Every body's experience of pregnancy is different, here is my candid prenatal story....
Having experienced two miscarriages, the third time I got pregnant, I didn’t want to do anything wrong. I googled what I shouldn’t eat, what I shouldn’t drink, what I should avoid, and how I should sleep and how I should feel. There was only fear. There was fear of the unknown, fear of the uncertainty and fear of only knowing what loss felt like. There was an undercurrent of self-blame; of things I didn’t do correctly, or, could have done better the first two times.
This doubt and insecurity seeped into my yoga practice. As a yoga teacher I was always active and desperately wanted to keep connected to my asana practice. But there was the fear. Fear of moving in the wrong way, fear of hurting my baby, fear of hurting myself. Again, I googled….. Poses to avoid during my first trimester, poses to avoid during pregnancy, and safe prenatal sequences. I didn’t feel like myself in my body. The physical changes I was going through felt more and more unnatural through my fearful lens. At some point I found myself stuck. Stuck in my mind, in my body and in my practice. I needed information, not from google, but wisdom from experienced, inspirational women. I enrolled in a Doula course “Wise Woman Way of Birth” with Legendary Gloria Lemay and Legend Jessica Austin. This certification changed my perspective and my connection. This course was the best medicine. It helped remind me of trust. Trust in my baby, trust in my body, and trust in the process. With this little miracle growing, living, breathing and moving within me, there was no better time to drop in and be deeply embodied. I was reminded that pregnancy and birth were beautiful and magical forces of nature. There was nothing my body needed to learn that it didn’t know already. There was nothing I “needed” from the external world I couldn’t find within. There was nothing google could tell me that my baby and my body couldn’t tell me better. I just had to listen.
So, I started moving again... Really moving. My yoga practice took a deep dive into full expression. I focused on strength, mindful transitions and dancing moving meditation. I flowed like I had never flowed before, with grace, patience, and compassion; with fierceness, stability, and emotion; and with wonder, appreciation, and power. I followed the inner instruction of my body, I did what felt good, and I avoided what didn’t. There was no hesitation or doubt, just full permission. There was a real freedom in my movements, in my sequences and in my thought patterns, but also, honesty. I did poses my body craved and let go of what poses were supposed to look like. I fully trusted my communication with my body in the process. There was no right and wrong. Only flow. Only connection.
By the end of my third trimester my yoga practice and mental health was as strong as it had ever been. I meditated as I thanked my body for housing and keeping my baby healthy and safe. Through fearless, yet authentic exploration of my practice throughout my pregnancy, I learned to trust my body and mind fully. My relationship to my practice, set me up in the best way, for birth and beyond.
Now as a mama of a very active and very healthy 18month old, my connection to my yoga (however short or interrupted), is a constant reminder of my strength, trust, and pure potential. Even though fear (and google) still pop in from time to time, I know my truth is only a breath (and a chaturanga) away…
Li Mei Wong
Comments